January is about to slip through our frozen fingers and some of us have still not written down our goals for the year. Then some of us dashed off an ambitious list of resolutions during that honeymoon haze of New Year’s Eve. Now, a late wintry reality of too many goals is staring us in the face.
We are not in love with our New Year’s Resolutions anymore. 
Even if we bought a new leather-bound journal and wrote our list in calligraphy with a new purple pen, those romantic notions of conquering everything all by yourself are divorced from your mind. What were you thinking, right?
You’re ready to toss the list out the door and sign the annulment.
If you’re like me and never wrote resolutions for fear of failure, let’s catch up with our friends who, like the rabbit in Aesop’s fable, wrote their lists. Let’s write a new list together. We’re going to marry our goals, which means we first need pre-marital counseling. Cozy up on a couch and rekindle the flame with your NYRs. We’re going to learn how to fall in love with our New Year’s resolutions and marry them for keeps.
Pre-Marital Counseling for Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions
In honor of this hallowed marriage, we’re keeping the tradition of something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Something Old
First, for the something old category, you can (1) dust off a former resolution that never stuck or (2) pick an old, bad habit to change.
If you’re dusting off the two-or three-year-old resolution that didn’t hang around, scrutinize it. Is this former goal still lurking in your mind? Does it have merit? Is the resolution worth investing in?
The other approach for something old is to correct a bad habit. If you’re going after a bad habit that you’ve never tackled, make sure you really, really, reeaaallllly want to change. I’m predicting this is going to be the hardest one to refine. Are you quitting a cigarette habit? Vaping? Alcohol? Oversleeping in the morning? Dropping the sugar?
Whichever type of old resolution you choose, write it down right now. Hurry. Nothing fancy. Just write. (You can fancy it up later.)
Something New
I like new, shiny things, don’t you? The new resolution makes me smile—until I write it down. (That’s why I don’t write them right away. Yep, I’m one of those.) So, ponder the possibility of a future with this new resolution and make sure you’re in love with it because you want a life-long relationship with it. Even when it’s not looking so shiny and new.
For many, exercise is their new habit. Exercise sounds good, but often doesn’t feel good. We’re going to get sore. We’re going to feel intimidated by all those machines at the workout facility. And we’re especially going to shy away from the super-fit gym rats, who wouldn’t dream of a day without exercise.
Whatever the shiny new possibility is, commit to it. Add on challenges incrementally to avoid discouragement. Make this new goal doable. Plan it then schedule it.
Ready? Write down the new habit.
Something Borrowed
Have you ever admired someone? Perhaps a book inspired you, a character in a movie, or someone you know in person has made you want to be a better person. For fun, decide on one of their characteristics to emulate. Perhaps this person is graceful, speaks positively, smiles all the time, or is patient. Can you borrow one of their good traits and make it yours?
What is one step you can take toward accomplishing this borrowed idea? Think about it. See yourself doing this lovely thing. And … write it down.
We are now working on three goals—out with the old, in with the new, and polishing off our goals with a fresh character trait.
Something Blue
The last of the traditions is not about forming a new habit, kicking a bad habit, or layering on a better character trait. Our last step is to determine not to feel defeated by our goals. So, no blue moods are allowed to hang around too long. Yes, we will have days when we only partially meet our resolutions, days when we don’t take the right steps at all, and days we win. Allowing the goals to dominate and bully us into thinking we’re not good enough, feeling like there’s no use trying, or ready to give-up are all shams. Don’t give into this “just give up” defeatist bully that likes to plague our minds and ruin our good intentions.
To avoid the blue days, remember, it’s winter. We’re slogging through the best we can. Use January and February as an excuse, but don’t quit. Keep trying.
The other way to avoid the blues is by relying on a friend. Friends buoy our moods, sprinkle compliments on us like magic dust, and turn our tears into laughter. The steps you take to reach one of your goals may lead you to meet new people and form more friendships. Collect friends as much as possible.
Encouragement is what we need on days when that blue feeling is about to snatch our good intentions. Don’t let Mr. Blue break up your relationship with your goals. Mr. Bad-Mood-Blue is sleek, selfish and steals people’s joy. Be prepared. Mr. Blue will visit; don’t despair. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear to encourage you to quit because you didn’t spend enough time on your goal. This feeling is an imposter—don’t flirt with it.
Marry Your Goals
If we’re going to marry our goals, spend time alone with the list, planning and praying. Soak in spiritual counseling to maintain a healthy relationship with the New Year’s resolutions. I’ll leave you with a list of Bible verses to turn to for spiritual wisdom. They’ll increase your peace as you learn to rely on God to work with you.
Contrary to what we’ve been taught about helping ourselves, God wants us to include him in our self-help journeys. We don’t have to do it alone. Kate Bowler talks about embracing the bad and the good in her book, Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day! There will be hard days. As we navigate the positive and the negative, we’ll build resilience. Conquer the New Year’s Resolutions the best you can; we have twelve months to work on them.
So, get up, go marry your goals—AND take God with you.
Wisdom for Reaching Your Goals
Have you heard the phrase, “the power of positive thinking?” The medical, along with the psychological, and spiritual community all have proof of the benefits of an optimistic attitude. Above all, read the Bible and seek spiritual wisdom to know how to think and plan.
This verse outlines the specific mindsets we can focus on to think positively.
God tells us to ask. Ask him to guide your heart, your actions, and your thoughts.
Acknowledge God and ask Him to direct you.
Ask for help, guidance, and instruction “and he will make your paths straight and smooth.”
We are to act and work hard, but always with God’s guidance. We don’t want to put our effort in the wrong direction. Stopping to pray and ask God to direct our actions is a worthy investment of our time.
How we speak is important, especially self-talk. Don’t be hard on yourself. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Remember, you have twelve months before the bell tolls another year. So, my friends, I pray for success and progress with your New Year’s resolutions. Grace and peace always.
Okay. This is really funny … and wise! Thank you so much! But—What about divorcing those goals we have already figured out just aren’t right for us… hmmm???🤔
Ha, Maureen. Sure we may need a divorce, but that’s whole ‘nuther blog post. So what’s a goal you’d divorce?