A Call to Care

Even before he received the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, my Dad uncharacteristically began to display a rollercoaster of emotions. Every day with him became an adventure. Many early mornings he feverishly focused on leaving for work. He shook the rails of his hospital bed and shouted, “I need to catch the train!” But he had retired a few years prior to this time.

On other occasions, you could hold his hand and sing a quiet song or sit back and read a book to him and see a smile shine across his face. He even displayed a sense of humor. My mom’s name is Marina. He said there were two Marina’s – the nice one and the mean one. This made us laugh even though we think he really believed it.

An Important Decision

Our family made the decision to keep Dad at his house. We believed that a retirement home would not provide the one-on-one care he deserved. Most senior living facilities provide one caregiver for numerous seniors. We desired to provide a loving environment for him in his home. And we hired a caregiver to help him.  We were familiar with this since my wife and I own a caregiving agency where we have helped families for over 16 years.

Much of my practice of caring for elders comes from my wife’s influence. She is Filipino, and caring for family and the aging is deeply rooted in her culture.

Our Next Decision

As Dad’s health declined, the doctors encouraged us to transition him to hospice care. The philosophy of hospice is to provide the individual with as much comfort as possible as they near the time of their death. But it also includes the choice to limit the amount of traditional healthcare. We weighed the decision carefully and finally chose to place him under hospice in his home. But we determined not to give him morphine unless he was in pain. Too much morphine can speed up the dying process. We did not want to do that. In fact, we never administered this medicine to him.

As people live to an older age these days, many families must determine how to best care for their aging loved ones. The journey for each family is different. I would counsel you to pray fervently about how you should care for your relative.

God tells us in His word to honor our father and mother. My Dad passed away over four years ago. At this time, we cared for my mom in her house and my mother-in-law in our home.

Not an Easy Task

Caregiving is not easy. It is a labor of love. It can also become overwhelming. You must take care of yourself throughout the process. Should you decide to keep your family member at home, you may find it helpful to hire a part-time or full-time caregiver.  This can free you up and allow you to have some time for yourself.

If you decide to place your loved one in a retirement facility, do the proper research to confirm that the home will meet or exceed your loved one’s needs. Also, be sure that you visit your loved one frequently. And be sure you can afford the kind of care you choose.

God cares about how we love those close to us. We should include our loved ones in the decisions we make for our lives. My wife and I enjoy the climate in California and other warm places, but we have chosen to stay in the Chicago land area. Why? Because my mom does not want to leave her home, and we know that if we move to another state, we will not be able to give her the care she needs.

No Family Situation is the Same

Love is not always convenient. Also, no family situation is the same. I only have one sibling. My brother lives in San Francisco. He visits my mom usually 2-3 times a year. When he comes, he diligently works around the house to fix things. He recently made a wood railing to help my mom walk up and down the front steps. We appreciate his help!

God’s First Commandment with a Promise

As mentioned earlier the Bible tells us to honor our fathers and mothers. It also says that this is the first commandment with a promise that you will live long and all will go well with you. (See Ephesians 6:2-3) We can take this promise to heart. Our trust can be in God. He will bless our latter days as we sow kindness and love towards our relative in their time of need.

If you are caring for someone you love, let me encourage you not to give up. Let me also say that you must take good care of yourself as well. Pray for God to lead you in ways that will lighten your load.

If you have the means and capability to care for someone in your life but have chosen not to — let this message be a call to care for your loved one.

The elderly and the infirmed are precious to God so let’s heed the call to care as if God were speaking directly to us.

An Appointment with God

There will come a time when we will stand before the Lord sitting on His throne in bright splendor. If we have lived a life of mercy He will say the following to us…

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’” Matthew 25:34-36 NIV

He later promises heaven to those that are merciful. Now we know that salvation is not earned, but if we are truly saved, we will display his fruits.

Let this short article be a call for us to care for others from the heart. We won’t do it perfectly, but if we ask for His help, He will generously fill us with his love.