When Sweet Memories Crash

When Sweet Memories Crash

I sat twirling my wedding band in the still of the morning. Sweet memories rose on waves of tears crashing against my new normal — a normal defined by the talons of adultery. My husband of 31 years was gone, lured away by a young seductress. I was left to pick up the painful pieces.

We never walk alone. God is with us always.
God will hold us by His right hand and lead across the troubled waters.

How could I possibly face tomorrow?

Over time my body unfurled from its fetal position. My mind ceased its spinning, and my spirit grew stronger. But my heart continues to bleed. Unexpectedly. At the strangest times. Completely out of nowhere.

I know I’m not alone in this pain that slices through my heart over and over again. Unfortunately, the sin of adultery runs rampant through our society. I’ve discovered that women and men across all races, creeds, and social status are being swallowed by its hungry appetite for destruction.

But I want you to know we don’t have to let adultery define us, nor do we have to bow to its consuming power. It’s not easy and it’s not even natural to withstand its havoc and annihilation of all things good. But it is possible. With God, all things are possible.

We must decide that with God we will make it to the other side and we will witness beauty from the ashes.

Will you decide that today? Will you ask the Lord to come into the carnage left behind by the betrayal of trust? Our God is faithful to hear us when we cry out. But He won’t stampede our hearts — He’s waiting for us to offer our immense pain to Him and ask Him what to do with it.

Then the healing will begin. Slowly. Surely.

Healing involves pouring out the poison of raw, dreadful emotions. Pour them out before your Father as an offering of trust before the One who holds your broken heart. Then sit quietly before Him. Be still. Cease striving and remember that He is God. Remember that He is El Roi — the God who sees and knows all about it. This step can be painful because it will  bring you face to face with the trauma you have endured, but it is essential to begin your healing.

When your body lays limp from the disposal of the vile, the Lord your God will hold you near and whisper words of love and affirmation. He will cradle you with His warm embrace.

God will give us the strength to forgive.
God will give us the strength to forgive.

And then I urge you to yield to the thought of forgiveness. Let it start there — to yield to the idea, to line up with the prompting of the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to travel from A -Z on a jetpack, but you do need to begin the journey to forgiveness. Not for the adulterer or the seductress, but for yourself. Holding on to unforgiveness is like putting poison in your own drink, drinking it, and then waiting for the other person to die. You are the one who is dying a slow death unless you make a determination in your heart to journey towards forgiveness.

We are not required to reconcile under these conditions, nor are we required to trust.

But we are required to forgive.

And just like the Truth, forgiveness will set you free.


Nan Jones

Nan Jones is an author/speaker who uses the words of her heart to assist fellow Christians in discovering the Presence of God in their darkest hour. She has been published in several anthologies as well as the online inspirational sites Christian Devotions, and Inspire a Fire where she is a monthly contributor. She is also a monthly contributor to PW Connections, a blog and forum to encourage pastors' wives. Nan has had the honor of being featured as a guest blogger on several sites. She is thrilled to announce her debut book, The Perils of a Pastor's Wife released June 30, 2015 by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. This memoir was a 2016 Selah finalist. When Nan isn't writing, she enjoys leading prayer retreats, bible studies or sharing God’s love as keynote speaker for special events. She is becoming known by her brand: "Even so, I walk in the Presence of the Lord" as she teaches her audience to go beyond the veil to find God's Presence. You may visit Nan at her website: www.NanJones.com. Nan has also created a facebook community page, Seeing Beyond The Veil, to provide a place for folks to go and get away from the chaos for a few moments and focus on Jesus through scripture, worship, testimony, and inspirational quotes. For personal communication you may email Nan at nan@nanjones.com The Perils of a Pastor's Wife is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and LPC Bookstore

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  1. Nan, beautifully written, soul-stirring, and heart-felt, my friend. Such authenticity. Thank you! Yes, God does give us the strength to forgive! Blessings!

    1. Thank you so much Carol. I pray often that the Lord will be glorified through this tragic situation. I cocooned a lot in the beginning, but I asked the Lord to give me enough grace to learn how to fly. The more transparent I can be, the more hearts are touched and encouraged. You are such a blessing.

  2. Oh Nan, this is beautiful and painful. Thank you for your transparency. It gives hope for those who are hopeless! Sending love!!!!

    1. Dawn, it’s so good to hear from you. Thank you for your kind words. Hope is such a precious gift of the Father. He is amazing, isn’t He?

  3. Nan, thanks for this piece…..powerful and inspiring. I can relate to your story. It took daily surrendering of my brokenness before I could forgive. Yes, forgiveness is a journey and it is sweet when we get to the other side.
    God bless you.

    1. Tope, you have blessed me so much with your kind words. I am still amazed at the number of women who have walked in our shoes. It’s stunning. But God if faithful! And He is able to heal, restore, and strengthen us as we offer our pain to Him. Sweet blessings to you.

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