“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” So begins Charles Dickens’s A Tale of Two Cities. My husband and I can say the same about the past eighteen years. After hearing words like brain tumor, cancer, and stage III anaplastic astrocytoma, our lives changed forever. For months we felt as if we were riding a roller coaster in the middle of a storm.
When we learned my husband had a brain tumor, initial tests indicated it was probably non-malignant. We clung to that hope.
The tumor, however, could not be removed without devastating damage to speech and memory. In addition, a surgical biopsy proved the mass was both malignant and aggressive, a grim diagnosis. Hope plummeted as we prepared for his lengthy and intensive treatment process.
Minutes before our departure time for pre-radiation measurements, the telephone rang. A CT scan showed no evidence of a tumor. Hope soared as we notified friends and family.
A few days later, a follow-up MRI to verify the tumor’s absence gave disappointing results. Emotions nose-dived again.
My husband rarely sheds a tear. I cry at the drop of a hat. Shortly after his diagnosis, we shared one good cry. With that emotional release, we felt better prepared to handle what lay ahead. Yet, in a greater sense, we haven’t handled this situation. We’ve leaned on the strength God provides, daily trusting that He will see us through.
After three and one-half years, we rejoiced in the news of remission. No chemotherapy capsules five nights each month. No medication to prevent nausea. Increased energy, appetite, and sleep.
At the same time, MRIs, blood tests, and numerous medical appointments became our new normal. Added to that, in 2009, my husband suffered a stroke, heart attack, and a fall with severe brain injury.
Has this been hard? Definitely. Do we understand all about it? No. Do we have any guarantees for the future? Of course not! No one does.
Nevertheless, during this ordeal, God has blessed us in ways we would never have known otherwise. We have experienced peace, joy, hope, and comfort beyond words, plus an appreciation for the beauty and opportunities of each day. When physically and emotionally spent, God has lifted us and given us exactly what we need for each day.
We have also received unbelievable support from family, friends, my husband’s former employer, and our church. Their love and concern have overwhelmed us at times. Relationships have grown deeper and more meaningful.
If we’re riding a roller coaster and a storm pops up, we have no choice but to complete the ride. Fellow passengers may scream or tremble. Others may gripe about those in control. A few may gaze in awe at the magnificent natural strength and beauty displayed.
Likewise, we have no choice about many of life’s circumstances, but we always have a choice in our reactions. Will we shrink in terror, crumble in despair, strike out in anger, and remain stuck in those emotions. Or will we learn to experience them and then let them go. Will we make the most of this fearsome yet exhilarating ride? Will we stay positive in a negative world?
If we ask God for His peace, He will carry us through all life’s storms. God will never leave us alone.
“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm” (Mark 4:39 NIV).
Thank you for these good words. God is good, even in the midst of life’s scariest storm.