“The art of leadership is not saying yes, it is saying no,” said former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. One of life’s great challenges is learning not to just go with the flow because sometimes the flow goes in the wrong direction.
We live in a day of great distraction. Because of the digital age, information flows constantly. Some say we have become the society that is looking down – always checking our phones, tablets, and devices. These weapons of mass distraction cause us at times to miss some important things in life.
I’ve heard the average home in America keeps the television on seven hours a day with the average viewer watching between twenty and thirty-six hours a week. Many families cannot sit through a meal without everyone checking their phones. Some couples take their tablets to bed, unable to endure the detachment.
As parents, we all know how easy it is to give in to electronic systems. Instead of quality time, we opt for the babysitter of the television. Instead of encouraging intellectual or spiritual stimulation, we choose the instant gratification of the internet.
How can parents create space in our families? Here are several suggestions for ways to say no to the constant lure of the digital world.
Play games together. Make a collection of board games. Develop the habit of occasionally clearing the table for game night. As children get older, families can invest in games that take longer to play. Some that our family enjoy are A Ticket to Ridge, Shadows of Camelot, and, of course, Monopoly. Playing board games allows for lots of interaction and often leads to laughter!
Make reading a priority. Build the expectation into your family that everyone should be readers. Provide age-appropriate material for your children. The local library is a wonderful resource that can be used repeatedly. There is a time to say, “OK, we’ve watched enough television, and you’ve spent enough time on electronics. Why don’t you spend some time reading?”
Read books together as a family or as a parent-child. My daughter Anna-Frances and I just started the last book in the Little House on the Prairie series. When my son was a “tweenager,” we enjoyed the Jerry Jenkins’ series, Red Rock Mysteries. He loved it and expressed disappointment when we missed a night.
Talk and listen. It amazes me to see families sit down in restaurants, take out all their devices, and never talk to each other until the food comes. Make family mealtimes ones of conversation. Declare meals a “no-electronics zone.” Linger at the table as much as possible. Ask questions of your children. And listen. I heard Henry Blackaby once say that because he wanted to have a meaningful relationship with his children when they became adults, he knew that meant he needed to have lots of conversations about superheroes when they were young children. Listen to what they share from their lives.
Monitor digital time. Dr. Archibald Hart and his daughter Syliva authored a helpful book called The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. In it, they explore the clinical effects of the digital age and offer solutions to guard your mind, body, and spirit.
Digital technology has become controlling, addictive, and intrusive. The Harts write, “Yes, digital technology has a good side. However, it also has a dark side. Increasing digital overuse is already harming parts of our physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual health.”
Parents, it is ok for you to be the “bad guy” about the use of electronics. Don’t let the culture squeeze you into its form here. Our children don’t need endless hours of internet and television exposure. Scientific studies show that too much digital time alters our brain patterns. For our family, “screen time” is not allowed during the week unless all schoolwork is done. On the weekends, children may have up to two hours of screen time a day.
Go outside. God created us to interact with the natural world. Lead your children in enjoying the outdoors, engaging in physical exercise, and getting outside of the walls of your house. Children still need time to play in the dirt, walk in the woods, and foster their imagination.
