What Happens When You Meet With God in Your Sanctuary?

I had quite the conversation with the Lord on that crisp spring morning. I met Him in my sanctuary – my beloved porch swing with its soothing, squeaky melody. A gentle breeze stirred the treetops … and me – reminding me of God’s Spirit and lifting me with the wings of eagles high above the fray. I longed for the Presence of the Lord.

Life had been hard.

Thirty-one years of a wonderful marriage met a tragic end.

I found myself in financial ruin, emotional bankruptcy, and wrapped in chains so tight the very life was being sucked out of me.

Yes, it was a very painful, difficult time.

But God.

But God wanted to have a talk. With me. That in itself is amazing, right? The Creator of the Universe knows us by name. He was calling out to me and I heard that sweet whisper deep in my spirit, Nan … Nan, come to Me. Let down your walls.

It’s a good thing I had a tissue in the pocket of my jacket because the tears slipped from my eyes and coursed down my cheeks. My pain was raw, my spirit weary, and yet my Heavenly Father loved me enough to embrace my broken heart with His tenderness.

I want you to give Me your heart. You have shut Me out thinking I will hurt you too. But I won’t. I love you with an everlasting love.

“But Lord, I’ve never stopped loving You. Never.”

Yes, I know. But you have set boundaries – without realizing it, you have created control in our relationship. Trust Me.

I rocked in the swing a little harder, staring at the treetops surrendering to the power of the wind. A symphony of birdsong serenaded my sorrow.

“Have I Lord? Have I pushed You away?”

Yes. The reply was quiet and gentle. I am no longer Your first love.

I laid my head back, resting against the swing and closed my eyes. I knew the Lord was right. I had become self-absorbed, locked in a deep depression with a heart growing cold. My life was always about serving others – being a minister of reconciliation to a hurting world. But my spirit was parched. Broken. Disillusioned. And the thought of service made me quake.

Give yourself fully to Me again. Rest in Me and I will heal you. Give yourself to Me in worship, in study, in conversation. Give yourself to Me and you will find peace. You will find strength. As I strengthen and comfort you in your distress, THEN you will be able to comfort others with the comfort you have received. But you must give yourself fully to Me again.

I learned a lot that day. I learned what we’ve all been taught: in my weakness He is strong. I learned that His grace really is sufficient. But if I don’t give myself to the Lord first, I cannot serve others with the power of His Holy Spirit. Without His love flowing richly through me, I am but a clanging cymbal.

My love is not sufficient. His is.

Have you been keeping the Lord at arm’s distance because He disappointed you? Are you running on a gerbil wheel of busyness – building God’s Kingdom, family, job, school – and before you knew it, the Lord had become another item on the list to check off? Is He still your first love? There is no condemnation to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He is not condemning you. He was not condemning me. He was calling to me, imploring me to give myself to Him once more.

I pray that if you hear His still, small voice deep inside calling your name, you will answer, “I’m coming, Lord … I’m coming.”

SELAH