{"id":17145,"date":"2017-05-24T04:54:16","date_gmt":"2017-05-24T08:54:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inspireafire.com\/?p=17145"},"modified":"2017-05-18T00:51:43","modified_gmt":"2017-05-18T04:51:43","slug":"not-sure-i-want-to-be-a-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inspireafire.com\/not-sure-i-want-to-be-a-mother\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Sure I Want to be a Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"

Woke up this morning and barely made it to the bathroom before tossing my cookies. I can\u2019t imagine going through another eight months of this. My mother-in-law warns me about all the weight I\u2019ll gain and the pain in giving birth. And my body will never be the same. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nAfter 14 hours of labor and some complications, I\u2019m heading for a caesarian section to pull my baby from my belly. Not looking forward to the surgery, the pain, or the months of recovery. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nMidnight and the anesthesia is finally wearing off. My stomach is flatter, so I ask the nurse if I can see my newborn. He\u2019s beautiful, perfectly formed with ten fingers and ten toes. And in a few days I\u2019ll be home with him, totally accountable to feed him, clean him, train him, teach him, and help him grow into a man. So much responsibility. I\u2019m scared. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nThe babysitter is a grandmother with other children for him to play with while Mommy and Daddy are at work. Brian looks at me with tears in his eyes. I sob as I walk out the door to my job, earning a paycheck we need to pay for our house and food for the family. But my heart stays at the sitter\u2019s. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nThe school nurse calls to let me know that Brian threw up and I need to pick him up right away. All of a sudden, my schedule for today changes, and I have to drop everything, take time off work, and get him home to sleep in his own bed. But it\u2019s what I do. I\u2019m a mom, and moms always take care of their children, no matter how it inconveniences them. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nWe\u2019re sitting in uncomfortable seats watching our son in a cap and gown march down the aisle with his classmates, preparing for the next chapter in their young adult lives. That may mean paying for college, which is more than we can afford. Or letting him find a job and move out of the only home he\u2019s known his entire life, leaving behind an empty room and a mother with a broken heart. Is it too late to change my mind? Not sure I want to be a mother.
\n\t\t* * *
\nHe now has children of his own and I love watching him play with his girls,

\"\"
Brian laughing with his daughter<\/figcaption><\/figure>hug them, and laugh with them. It\u2019s especially fun when they act up like he did when he was their age and he tries to discipline them. He looks at me and says, \u201cMom, how did you deal with it?\u201d
\nI chuckle. And I\u2019m glad I didn\u2019t change my mind. It\u2019s the best job in the world. I\u2019m a mother.
\nCheck that \u2013 I\u2019m a GRANDmother. That\u2019s my reward for being a mother. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Woke up this morning and barely made it to the bathroom before tossing my cookies. I can\u2019t imagine going through another eight months of this. My mother-in-law warns me about all the weight I\u2019ll gain<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":51,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1551],"tags":[2968,255,244,2969,170,259],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nNot Sure I Want to be a Mother - Inspire A Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/inspireafire.com\/not-sure-i-want-to-be-a-mother\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Not Sure I Want to be a Mother - Inspire A Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Woke up this morning and barely made it to the bathroom before tossing my cookies. 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