The very darkness of the night causes me to crave the light, and the light with its severity makes me long for the shade. Frail creature am I. Not made for darkness, unfit for light.
My dilemma finds resolution in the person of Christ.
The Lord is my light. (Psalm 27:1)
The Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. (Psalm 27:1, 121:5)
Whither shall I go from thy Spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. (Psalm 139:7,11,12)
Even in the mauled face of the monstrous, still I see God. I see Him in my longing for loveliness. And upon finding that beauty, should I also discover there disdain and arrogance, still God is present in my yearning for humility. The gruesome, the horrifying, the distorted, these cannot shroud the person of God. They point to Him, and to His perfection as the antidote for my longing. His flawlessness is set like a superior gem in stark relief against the perfect foil of lawlessness.
All things were made by Him; and without Him was not anything made that was made. In Him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. (John 1:3-5)
The same thing I long for, I begrudge another. I share Jonah’s issues. Under the exacting punishment of the cruel and unforgiving, I hunger for mercy, but absolution without penalty makes me cry out for justice. Frail creature am I, despising injustice, needing mercy, deserving judgment.
My contradictions are swallowed up in this portrait of Christ: “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” (Psalm 85:10)