When An Old Wound Resurfaces

What can we do we when we think we’ve healed from an old wound, only to find what we thought was a scar is unexpectedly ripped open again?

Years have passed since I experienced a painful time when I was taught it was wrong for a woman to live into the life of ministry I was being called to. As it does, life moved on. For decades I leaned into the calling I was told was more fitting and did so with much love and dedication. In more recent years I’ve been blessed to also lean into the calling God first laid on my heart all those years ago. The jagged edges of this old wound softened over these years, and I believed that chapter of my story had healed.

Then last week I had a moment that brought me to tears. Tears I didn’t even know I had left about the false narrative that once burdened me. Yet also tears that needed to be shed in one last cathartic moment of grief and forgiveness.

The Unexpected Work of Renewing the Mind

I was role-playing a fictional, but all to familiar scenario in a class where we practice conflict transformation skills. Fiction or not, I can see God’s hand behind it all, from our instructor writing the scenario, to the safety and trust of the two others in my small group, all the way back to how I miraculously landed in this program to begin with.

At first it seemed straightforward. As I read the script to prepare, I recognized myself, my past, and what I thought was a healed internal conflict. I felt I would do the character justice.

But as we began our practice, an unexpected wave of emotion welled up inside.

Suddenly the unfolding situation was no longer just a practice exercise. It touched something much deeper—an old wound I believed I had already worked through.

Yet there it was again.

Quietly waiting beneath the surface. But this time it wasn’t there to pull me down. No, this time it was there to remind me to be still, reflect on the journey, and recognize with gratitude the immense work God had done to renew my mind.

When An Old Wound Finds Its Way Back

As the exercise continued, I realized something transformational. The intensity of my reaction wasn’t about the moment in front of me. It was about the story my mind had learned to tell years earlier. An old wound resurfacing.

Childhood experiences—especially painful ones—can shape the beliefs we carry into adulthood. Words spoken by people in authority who we perceive to be wise. Times we felt unseen, dismissed, or misunderstood. Moments when we quietly concluded something untrue about ourselves.

Those conclusions often take the form of labels, like “not enough” or “too much.” 

Whatever the wording, those labels can take root in our mind. Over time they become mental pathways where our thoughts automatically return.

Eventually those thoughts stop sounding like opinions.

They begin to sound like truth.

The Power of Repeated Thoughts

Repeated thoughts create neural pathways in our brains. The more often we think a certain way, the easier it becomes for our minds to travel that path again and again.

The stories we tell ourselves shape the beliefs we carry. Our beliefs influence how we interpret new situations, which means sometimes our reactions are not just about the present moment. Our reactions are often connected to experiences from our past.

I recognized an old wound had been triggered. Instead of seeing that moment as a setback, I embraced it as an invitation to revisit the beliefs that had quietly lingered deep beneath the surface. This is the work of growth mindset.

Discovering the Possibility of Growth from Old Wounds

Several years ago I had begun confronting some of those limiting beliefs. Along the journey, I read books based on Romans 12:2. I also discovered the work of psychologist Carol Dweck and her research on growth mindset.

Growth mindset introduces us to something hopeful: our abilities and identities are not fixed. We can continue to learn, adapt and grow throughout our lives. Yes, even in this second half of life in which I now find myself.

We are not as stuck as we think we are. There is hope for something better!

As I explored this further, I began to see clearly that many of the beliefs limiting me were not facts. They were stories I had repeated long enough that they felt like truth.

And those stories can be rewritten.

Studying the Person I Had Ignored

To rewrite our story, we must first do some research. For years I studied many things—parenting, education, ministry—but I rarely took the time to understand myself.

I began asking new questions.

What gifts has God placed in me?
How have my life experiences shaped my perspective?
What parts of my personality have I been hiding instead of embracing?

Through that process I discovered the liberating truth of…me. Me without all the layers of labels and bad experiences. Me as an empathic and highly sensitive person who also has ADD. Instead of seeing weaknesses, I began to recognize them as part of how God uniquely created me.

The question changed from a depressed “Why was I created this way,” to “Who am I to question or frown upon God’s creativity?”

And with that mindset shift came something powerful: grace.

Grace for the struggles.
>Grace for the growth still ahead.
>Grace for the ways God continues shaping my story.

Grace that allows me to see the trigger of an old wound as an invitation instead of a setback.

The Transformation of Old Wounds to an Invitation

The idea of changing our thinking is deeply rooted in Scripture. Growth mindset research has served to prove the truth of Romans 12:2:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Transformation begins internally. Old wounds can become an invitation to make the choice to renew our mind. When our thinking changes, our perspective changes. When our perspective changes, our actions begin to shift as well.

The beliefs we carry shape our lives.

And sometimes the work of renewing our minds includes recognizing when an old wound resurfaces and choosing to no longer let it define us.

Growth Often Happens in Layers

That brings me back to the conflict transformation exercise.

Over a decade after I thought I had processed the pain of this old wound, something familiar resurfaced. This time it didn’t feel like failure. No, this was another layer of healing.

Conflict transformation teaches that true peacemaking begins internally. We must be willing to examine the stories and wounds we carry if we are to be healed and help bring healing to those around us.

Growth, like grief, rarely moves in a straight line. Often it unfolds in layers, showing us deeper places in our hearts that still need compassion, understanding, and truth.

That day, with tears flowing, I took a final step of processing the pain of the old wound. As I grieved for the years that could have been different, I forgave myself for listening to those who had caused the pain. I forgave them as well. Lastly, I took the time to reflect on the work God has done from that time long ago until now. It was in this time of reflection that I felt my heart finally accept the call to keep growing beyond  the limitations I was subconsciously holding on to.

With a growth mindset, what once felt like a triggering setback can become an invitation to the meaningful work God is still doing within us.

A Question Worth Asking

Breaking free from the limiting beliefs of old wounds so you can step into the invitation begins with one courageous step.

What belief about yourself has been replaying in your mind?

Write it down. Then start the work of renewing your mind by asking yourself:

Is this belief rooted in truth—or is it rooted in an old story that no longer needs to define me?

Transformation often begins with a simple realization:

Your story isn’t finished yet.