Labor Day Weekend has always marked for me the coming of a new school year, the closing of the swimming pools, and the planning of the holidays. These transitions, rites of passage, and traditions give me strength. They add ballast to my otherwise frenzied life. And they stand as solid reminders, that no matter what good, or not so good has happened in my life in the past year, that life goes on, and that growth, change, and routine will always be part of my human journey.
But as I have aged, my role in these transitions, rites of passage, and traditions have changed.
For example, I am no longer the only host for our family events. Normally, any important event in our large family takes place at our house, but my husband and I sold our spacious 2800 sq foot home with an in ground swimming pool, and downsized to a 1500 sq foot town home so we no longer have the room to make a summer gathering enjoyable. So my daughter, with her huge fenced in backyard and a place for a nice bonfire is hosting Labor Day this year.
And so I find myself going from being the chief cook and bottle washer, to bringing the potato salad. (As I read that last sentence I try to figure out my feelings regarding this change. Am I excited to be free of the responsibility? In some ways yes. Is there a tad of resentment at my role changing, even in this slight little bit? Perhaps. Where is the shamefaced emoticon to put in right here when I need it?)
But in other ways, the letting go and embracing of this change feels good. My daughter is doing what she has always seen my husband and I do: opening her home and embracing family. And this makes me feel proud – very proud.
And so life goes on. Transitions, rites of passage, and traditions continue.
I deal with the idea of transitions, rites of passage and traditions a lot in my work in hospice. Imagine a woman whose lost her husband after 63 years of marriage. Or a daughter whose only surviving parent just slipped into eternity. These types of losses have a huge impact on family traditions, and an individual’s personal identity. (I was so-and-so’s wife for 63 years, now they are gone. Who am I now?) For more on Debbie Simler-Goff’s hospice experiences click here.
Perhaps that is part of what Solomon was saying when he talked about not removing the ancient landmarks (Proverbs 22:28). The landmarks – the transitions, rites of passage, and traditions are indeed important. Christmas needs to come this year irregardless of what kind of year you or I have had, kids need go off to school, and public pools still need to open and close.
So however you are feeling about the transitions, rites of passage, and traditions that await you this holiday season, remember they are important landmarks in your family’s story. So breathe deep and open wide your heart and mind to the changes that may await you.
