Purpose in the Pause

Everything changed when I fell.

Pickleball became my exercise of choice in 2021. I played three mornings a week with friends and fell in love with the sport. By 2023, I added one or two evenings of play a week. Exercise is good, but not for those of us who are the “all or nothing” sort. While my body experienced good muscle tone, my mind and emotions relied on the “high” of the game instead of God. I arranged my weeks around pickleball, even skipping my important commitments.

Then, in January of 2024, I ran to the back of the court to intercept a lob, turned too fast, and landed on my right knee. Nothing broke or tore, but my ligaments and tendons screamed. And my physically weary body, still exhausted from the six years of construction on our house, put its figurative foot down. And I hit a wall.

I had heard about people burning out physically, but most of them were in their sixties or seventies when it happened, not in their forties. Surely, I could work hard in physical therapy and all would be well in a couple of months. Afterall, I had trips to take with my family. Youth and kids camp to chaperone. A large writing conference in the mountains to attend.

When my physical therapist told me I was regressing and not able to make forward progress because of other issues in my body, my world started spinning.

All the Emotions

Anger came first. I blamed myself for careless maneuvers and turned my anger inward. Then I focused on my body and became furious with my uncooperative body parts. Pride also rose as I tried to prove to myself and others that I could still handle physical tasks. Anger swept back in when I ended up on my backside for days after attempting those physical tasks.

The hardest thing for a go-getter is accepting limitations. My physical body not only stopped performing as commanded, but mentally I grew foggy. Emotionally, I went numb. And my life’s work of always solving problems now resulted in weird stress responses accompanied by a level of anxiety I’d never experienced.

One morning, tired, irritated, and weary, I decided to talk to God about everything. It turned into a crying-woe-is-me-pity-party session that ended with, “And I’m kinda mad at you, God.”

When those words fell from my lips, an image of my journal entry from 2018 appeared in my mind. There were dozens of topics outlined for future videos I wanted to make and post on social media. Here I sat, six years later, and none of the videos had been completed. Excuses and fear reigned instead.

I didn’t hear an audible voice or see mysterious handwriting on the wall, but God’s message resonated deeply in my heart. Obey. Do what I placed on your heart in 2018. And this season won’t be wasted.

Deep in my core, I’m an extreme time manager. I despise wasting time. And sitting on my rear, delegating all my physical responsibilities, with nothing to show for it, was eating me alive.

Purpose in the Pause

But if God could use this season of sitting, I would at least have a purpose in the pause.

I began recording short videos, some silly, some serious. And people responded. Not only did they respond, but they sent me private messages and we worked through deep issues and questions. No longer angry, I felt hopeful that God wouldn’t allow me to waste this season of stillness.

Then I was asked to teach our Wednesday night ladies group for the summer. God was already moving in my heart about discipleship and going back to the basics, but I had no solid direction. One Friday evening in May, my family started a movie upstairs. Slowly, I maneuvered the steps. When I reached the top, I was compelled to take a left and sit in my office instead of watching the movie.

I prayed and took a seat at my desk. When my pen met the blank paper, words erupted onto the lines. Bullet points and summaries of the summer discipleship study I was to teach appeared in my mind faster than my hand could move. Within an hour, the entire summer Bible study formed before my eyes. And I knew without a doubt, God had purpose for this pause.

Bible Study

A few weeks later, I attended Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference. Even though it put a toll on my body physically, God reassured me all week I was exactly where he wanted me. Everything he needed me to know and have for the summer study, fell in my lap. And by the time I got home, I knew this would not be an easy, one day a week Bible study. Five days of deep homework accompanied by a challenging weekly teaching were necessary.

And if God had not gained my attention through the physical pause of my life, I would have missed the whole opportunity.

Each week, I wrote between five and seven thousand words in the form of daily homework. Then I wrote the lesson and taught it. We live-streamed the study into a Facebook group that began with just our ladies who would be traveling and wanted to keep up with the lessons. By summer’s end, there were over one hundred ladies, all invited by our women, participating in the class online.

I couldn’t believe how many women were hungry to grow in the Lord, in-person and around the country. I received Facebook messages from women who listened and wanted to know more. The face-to-face group asked to come early for more discussion time because God was impacting their hearts so deeply. And every week, we all grew closer to God as we dug into his word.

What Happened Next

I began writing and seeking publication in 2011 with the concept of creating educational children’s picture books. Honestly, that’s what I thought I’d be—a children’s author. I couldn’t understand why I received countless rejections and became disheartened. In 2021 and 2022, however, the doors for publication opened for a devotional book for parents and the first in a middle grade series for eight- to twelve-year-olds.

Seeing my books in print was a dream come true. Tears, joy, and excitement flooded my writing life. But those emotions are nothing compared to what I am feeling after completing this Bible study.

A month after I finished teaching the summer study, our associational women’s director called. She wanted to know If I would consider putting the study in book form, open the study to the whole association, and also send it out on live video for others to view at home with small groups. As soon as she asked, I knew the answer was yes. We brainstormed, she helped create a vision, and by the end of November, I had the book edited (with help from a wonderful editor) and self-published through Amazon.

Never in a million years would I have pursued this direction on my own. During the summer study, I simply obeyed and thanked God for not wasting my season of stillness. I prayed God would use the words to reach at least one person and that he would get the glory. But to have the opportunity to teach it again on such a large scale seemed terrifying, vomit-worthy and perfect all at the same time.

On the Other Side

March 17^th was my last Bible study class. Looking back over the journey feels surreal. So many women’s lives will never be the same. God opened doors I didn’t know to knock on, taught me how to trust him in huge new ways, and without even realizing it, completely shifted the direction of my writing. And my life.

I learned that obedience is better than constantly pursuing agents and editors. Surrender is better than trying to grow my platform. And if God has a message to get out, he will make it happen. Every detail. Each word. All the technology. The decorations. And the right people.

God showed me that I’ve been chasing publication and connections when I should have been chasing him. His desire for all of his followers is for us to willingly offer our lives to his leading, even in pain and stillness. Then, we trust his direction. We aren’t supposed to take the reins on each curve. And we can’t grab the wheel on every new turn. If we will only surrender. In whatever condition or season we are in. And give him our yes. Then we will see him move in ways that will change everything.

“Let God have your life; He can do more with it than you can.” Dwight L. Moody 

Want to read more?  Mockery to Melody: Purpose from Pain

Copyright Christy Bass Adams, March 2025, All images from Canva