Parenting Adult Children: Trusting God and Letting Go

Once children reach adulthood it’s important for parents to let go and trust God. It’s a difficult but necessary skill I recently had the opportunity to put into practice. My daughter and her husband bought a cute little starter home a couple years ago and soon thereafter, discovered it needed a new air conditioner and new plumbing, among other things. Right away I thought of the 1980’s movie, “The Money Pit”, starring Tom Hanks and Shelley Long. In it, the young couple (hoping to relocate from Manhattan) purchase a beautiful two-story home in the country for a surprisingly low price. As soon as they move into the home one problem after another surfaces and the home begins to fall apart. I told them to watch it, which they did. It’s a funny movie . . . not so funny in real life.

When our adult children go through struggles, we mamas want so badly to help. We don’t want them to struggle in life. We want them to be happy. We want to fix everything. Oftentimes, we’re  in a position to help them financially after many years in the work world. We have wisdom as to how to approach certain problems and . . . we want to impart to them our sage advice.

Being a Fix it Mama

The problem is, there’s a fine line between helping with a need and encouraging dependency. I used to get stressed out when my grown kids went through tough things. I mean really stressed. When an issue or hardship came to my attention, Fix it mode immediately kicked in. I pestered my husband to intervene if it was something in his wheelhouse. I lost sleep worrying about them.

One day I was reading my Bible and had an epiphany. God is a much better guardian and helper for my children than I am. He loves them with an everlasting love. He is always watchful and knows exactly what they need. After all, He created them and has a plan for their life—a master plan to shape and mold them—making them more like Him.

Being a Yielded Mama

That day I made a commitment  to release my children to the Lord. I literally lifted my cupped hands toward heaven and let them go. I first made this gesture of release when they were young teens. Now it was time to place the safety, comfort, and future of these precious young families into his capable hands.

Our children do not belong to us. They are God’s first, loaned to us to love, teach, discipline, and develop into faithful and responsible followers of Christ. We are called to pass the baton of faith. We can only do it well when we rely on God for wisdom and strength and place them confidently in His hands.

Being a Respectful Mama

I’m learning to let go and trust God with my adult children and my precious grands. I’m learning to seek God as to how much and how how often He wants me to intervene. Godly parents are a valuable resource, to be sure. There are times God leads us to help or advise. But parenting adult children requires wisdom, respect, and restraint. It’s a different ballgame than when they were under our roof.

I’m watching from afar as my kids deal with their “money pit” house. They know we are here as a safe place to fall if their house collapses around them. In the meantime, they’re learning a lot—the hard way— about home ownership. They are seeking God for direction in decisions about their house and their young family. God is in control and He is good, even in the tough times. If you haven’t released your kids into God’s hands, do it today. Once children reach adulthood, it’s important for parents to let go and trust God. Our children are in HIs hands and there is no better place for them to be.