Pain, Pranks, and Prayers

Another year, another loss. The waves of sorrow and pain come and go, from gentle swells to emotional monsoons. Some we can predict. Others come out of the blue.

Pain Follows Pain

My forty-two-year-old nephew died in September 2019. The night before his death, Trevor, his wife, and his mom (my sister) attended his son’s ballgame. They cheered, laughed, and enjoyed the evening for all it was worth. Trevor mentioned a little indigestion but otherwise exhibited no warning signs of a health concern. Sometime during the night, he moved to his recliner in the living room. At 5:00 a.m., his wife found him there … lifeless.

My sister’s call, punctuated with sobs, began, “Diana, the worst possible thing has happened. Trevor died.” All I could say was, “Trevor?” After a brief conversation, she asked, “Will you tell Mom?” I lived an hour away from our mom. I also had to get someone to stay with my husband due to his health problems. In order to prevent Mom and our brother, who lived with her, from seeing any possible social media posts, family friends made an early morning visit until I arrived.

Shared Pain

Following a couple minutes of small talk, I lowered myself beside Mom’s chair, took her ninety-year-old hand in mine, and said, “Mom, I have some bad news.” Mom began a roll call of possible family members with health issues: “Tim?” “Gail?” “Gary?” After each one, I shook my head and said, “No.” Grasping her hand tighter, I said, “Mom, it’s Trevor.” She looked away in disbelief, then looked back and whispered, “Trevor?” I nodded, and Mom lowered her head into her free hand, leaned against my shoulder, and wept, first softly, then in body-racking sobs. Once she composed herself, she asked, “What happened?”

After I gave Mom the details I knew, our friends offered to take her to see my sister and Trevor’s wife and son while I stayed with our brother.

God’s Presence 

In the weeks that followed, we gained a greater understanding of the stages of grief. We talked, cried, prayed, and clung to one another. We also claimed God’s never-failing promises of joy, peace, and presence. When necessary, we went into auto mode to handle daily tasks.

On April 28, 2020, I spent the day assisting Mom and my brother. About 3:30 the next morning, my brother found Mom on the floor, wedged between her bed and the wall. He called my sister, who called 911. She also contacted a family friend, our brother’s prearranged caregiver for such an event.

Mom suffered a stroke. Local medical providers transferred her to a larger hospital equipped to remove the blood clot from her brain.  The change from 3:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. was nothing short of miraculous. Mom could talk again and move her arm and leg on the side affected by her stroke. Although weak, she improved rapidly, Hospital staff recommended two weeks of intensive in-patient therapy prior to her return home. However, after that transfer, her health went downhill fast. Although she made small, intermittent improvements, on the evening of July 3, following her evening meal and medication, Mom closed her eyes for the last time.

Memories but More

Other losses have also rocked our family, including our dad’s extended illness and death in 2017. His death was not a surprise, and we knew it led him into the presence of the Savior he so faithfully served. However, it was the first such pain in our small, tightly knit family. Through each one we have survived but also thrived. Not in the way we would have chosen but in ways God can use in ministry to others. Our stories of God’s sustaining comfort and peace give us hope that we can share with the many who have little or no hope. During visitation at the church before Dad’s funeral, a cousin to whom Dad had witnessed many times, said, “Well, he finally got me in church.”

Pain Eased by Pranks and Prayers 

Trevor was big-hearted, fun-loving, and hard-working. That carried over in his spiritual life as well. Trevor’s pastor never hesitated to call on him when needs arose. The pastor laughed as he told of their church needing a couple of actors for a children’s program one year. “Trevor and I were probably the biggest shepherds ever seen in a Christmas pageant.”

Laughter mingled with tears at each celebration of life. Many times, laughter won. Both Mom and Trevor relished a good prank, and no one was immune to their fun. One of Mom’s former pastors shared about a special meal held shortly after he began his service at the church. When he excused himself briefly, Mom added salt to his coffee. Not until the pastor and his wife drove home did he learn that the petite, white-haired, smartly dressed matron at his table was the culprit. Thus began a lifelong friendship filled with pranks and prayers.

Fun, family, and faith filled Dad, Trevor, and Mom’s lives and continue to touch us. However, if we hold to nothing more than our relationships with and memories of them, we miss the point of their existence. From her hospital bed, Mom continued to point people to Jesus. She never hesitated to praise God for her recovery but voiced peace with whatever the future held. All three lived Paul’s testimony of Philippians 1: 20-21 (NKJV). “According to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

A Faith- and Fun-filled Exit

Perhaps the final song at Mom’s funeral best illustrates their attitude and the hope possible for anyone who trusts Jesus’ promises for all their days, whether short or long. As her casket rolled out the door of my childhood church, those in attendance smiled in surprise at the spirited musical rendition of “Goodbye, World, Goodbye.” One last time, in a fun-filled way, Mom extended an invitation for everyone to join her and Jesus on the other side.

“You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence” (Acts 2:28 NIV).