Make My Home a Refuge

They called her Mama Bass. Our friends from band, school, and church claimed her as their own. On any given night we could have a table full of extra people and my mom loved every minute of it. Fridays after football games turned into game nights or movie marathons, Saturdays were filled with pool parties, more games, and a house overflowing with teenagers. No conversation was taboo or topic off limits. If we were brave enough to ask, my mom gracefully tackled it. And every person who entered our home learned about the love of Jesus.

All Homes Are Not Created Equal

My mom always told us one day we’d understand why we were being raised differently, and she was so careful about what we were allowed to do and whose house we visited. The day I realized the difference was during gym class in eighth grade when a classmate confessed her boyfriend had spent the weekend at her house, in her room. When I asked if her mom knew, she told me yes. Her mom had put her on the pill two years before!

My heart broke for my friend. And that was the day I learned that all homes are not created equal.

Answered Prayer

One of my son’s friends from youth group recently came over midweek and stayed in our guest room. He’s a good kid trying to keep his faith alive, but also easily swayed by the world. On the way to school, we included him in our devotional and prayer time. Of course we jammed out to some Forrest Frank too. After school, he jumped in and helped with chores. He respected our bedtime routine and rules, even though he was used to staying up most of the night. When bedtime came, I hugged him just like I did my boys. At one point, we couldn’t find him. He was in his room reading the Bible. In that moment, I remembered the prayer of my heart as we built this house: God, please make this house a safe place and use it to reach people for your glory.

This weekend, we will host thirteen high school boys and two adult leaders for our church’s annual Disciple Now youth retreat. I’m not worried or stressed, but instead, I’m super excited. God is answering my prayer. He’s allowing us to open our home, just like my mom and dad did all those years ago. And he’s getting all the glory through every moment.

Make My Home A Refuge

I’m so thankful for the model my parents provided all those years ago. Their faithfulness to make our home a refuge taught me the importance of doing the same for my family and home. Knowing we can open our home, provide a safe space for teens and adults, and influence the next generation for Jesus is the prayer of my heart. But in order to make my house a home and a refuge requires intentionality, focus, and determination. It means never settling for the standards of this world, but constantly striving for the example of my King.

There are six important practices that have helped our home become a refuge that I’d like to share to help others do the same.

1. Intentionally protect the access to technology in my home.

As a boy mom of a teenager and a ten-year-old, I don’t ask if my kids will try to access adult content, instead I ask when. We discuss lust, taking our thoughts captive, and appropriate interactions with the opposite sex. I was that kid tempted by sexually explicit material online, and that was before the current technological advances. Now the opportunities are lurking around every corner on every device. No phones or electronics in bedrooms, app restrictions, blocked channels, and home network filtering are all in place as safeguards to keep this possible.

2. Confront issues head on.

I used to avoid conflict like the plague, but now I understand the importance of tackling issues head-on. Walking on eggshells, tiptoeing, and ignoring do nothing but perpetuate the problem. No matter how uncomfortable or awkward, nothing gets pushed aside for another day. There’s a huge difference between contrived peace and real peace.

3. Be consistent.

If one of my kids asks me if they can do something, I always ask if they’ve talked to Daddy. We must support each other and remain on the same page with decisions and discipline. I love my kids, but they will gravitate toward the weakest link when it appears. We need to remain consistent, fair, and kind in all our interactions.

4. Treat each other with respect.

This means talking to each other in kind voices and asking, not demanding. This isn’t just for the kids, but for adults too. Paying attention to tones, body language, and timing is also important. No, we will not always get along or even like each other, but we can learn to live in harmony, peace, and calmness which creates a refuge.

5. Keep God first.

God must be the reason we do everything: how we raise our kids, where we spend our money, and how we structure our day. From the time we wake up until we close our eyes, he must hold the position as Lord of my home and life.

6. Practice hospitality.

Rosaria Butterfield has a book called, The Gospel Comes with a House Key. I want other people to know that they are welcome in my home. No hidden expectations or hoops, just open doors and refuge. What better way to show the love of Christ than loving others through the gift of hospitality.

Like my mom, I remind my children that they are being raised differently than their peers. All houses are not homes and very few could be considered a refuge.

• Will you take a stand for Christ and become a shining light in our culture?
• Will you offer your home, no matter how big or small, for use in God’s kingdom?
• Will you take a firm stand against the enemies of the world and place protective measures in your home?
• Will you stop pretending things are alright and start tackling issues head-on?
• Will you make your home a refuge for the people in your life?

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2 (ESV)

(For more on depending on God for strength: I Lift Up My Eyes – Inspire A Fire)

 

Copyright Christy Bass Adams January 2026, All images from Canva