Love From Three Points of View

It’s February, the month of love. And since many of us are married or hope to be one day, I thought I’d address the issue of L-O-V-E. So here are three points of view that will help all of us honor our sweethearts this Valentine’s Day . . . which, in turn, will honor the Lord. Besides, the research was fun!

1.  Your Husband Doesn’t Need Another Mother

Okay, this item is directed to my sisters, but I thought today would be a good time to address something that took me years to understand: My husband doesn’t need another mother.

Yes, God created us women to be nurturers and as we all know, nurturers are helpers.

But there’s one little problem. I’ve discovered that what I consider “helping,” Gary often considers “nagging.” In my mind, I’m just assisting his memory, improving his grammar, and protecting his image. But in his mind, I’m telling him what to do, how to talk, and what to wear.

It doesn’t matter that my intentions are good, he still hears nagging.

In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn shares her survey results of 400 men and their views regarding sex, marriage, and love. When asked how they would feel if their wives pointedly reminded them that repair work needed to be done on the house, over 52 percent of men responded with at least one of the following:

  • I resent her nagging.
  • She thinks I’m a second-rate husband.
  • I’ve failed.
  • She’s accusing me of being lazy or not caring about the family.
  • She doesn’t trust that I know what I’m doing.
  • I can’t believe she’s mad at me.

Now, chances are, our words would be something like, “Honey, do you know when you’ll have a chance to fix the wall?”

But he’d hear, “You low-down, second-rate, undependable, failure of a husband! When are you going to get off your lazy duff and fix the wall?” We may think we’re offering gentle reminders and helpful hints, but they hear a mother’s voice, telling them what to do.

Arguing over semantics and trying to make them see the intent of our words probably won’t work. So I’ve chosen to get out of the nagging business. Now, that’s not to say I never fall back into the pattern of “helping” when he sees it as “nagging,” but I am a lot better about it than I used to be.

And if you still aren’t convinced that nagging’s not the way to go, consider this: Don’t we all dream of our husbands coming home from work, taking us in their arms, and whispering sweet nothings in our ears?

Um . . . do you think he would do that to his mother?

’Nough said!

2. Kiss and Make Up

Two thousand years ago, the apostle Paul wrote, “…Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” (Ephesians 4:26 NIV)  The scientific community is just beginning to realize the wisdom of those words. A University of Maryland researcher recently looked at the connection between harboring anger and lowering immunity in patients with certain chronic diseases. Initial results show those who “forgive and forget” tend to have better disease-fighting ability. In another study, participants who felt angry for only five minutes experienced decreased immunity for up to six hours.

The lesson of these studies?  Kiss and make up for good health—and do it now!

3. Pucker Up: 6 Health Benefits of Kissing

If your want a fun, quick tutorial on kissing this Valentine’s Day, I hope you’ll check out an earlier Inspire A Fire article, Pucker Up: 6 Health Benefits of Kissing.

Honor, forgive, and kiss this Valentine’s Day . . . and share the love!


Vonda Skelton

Vonda is a speaker, writer, and motivational humorist who is thankful God can take her messes and use them for His glory. She's the author of four books, owner of The Christian Writer's Den blog, and founder of Christian Communicators, an organization to help educate, validate, and launch women in their speaking ministries. Vonda and her husband have been married all their lives--and they're still happy about it!

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