Dear God,
It happened again.
You surprised me. Just when I thought you were too busy, preoccupied with your bazillion other requests on the other side of the globe, I see it now. I found Your fingerprints on some of the forgotten crevices of my life.
The truth is, sometimes I seek the spotlight through the darkness, the blinding light that stops me in my tracks to reveal all your secret ways and obvious guidance. But by doing so, I miss the candlelight flickers and quiet whispers that constantly point me in the right direction, when I take time to notice.
I scream for answers and shreds of evidence of what You are hoping to accomplish with all Your twists and turns. All I really want is a clearcut path that leads to ultimate happiness for me and my loved ones.
Is that too much to ask?
I wonder why it has to be so hard. Why there are many more questions than answers. How the weight of my selfish little world can possibly be so heavy. Surely, You didn’t think I could handle all these problems strewn sloppily across my chipped and barely partially functional plate. Did You?
But I get it now. Maybe Satan thought he might distract me with the glare of all that needs to be fixed. As long as I wander around in the valleys of self-pity, I’m not likely to remember or follow through with what You’ve already asked me to do.
I was offended, at first, that You would ask me to do something from here in the midst of the chaos. Couldn’t it wait until the storms had passed? What’s with this deadline that beckons me so far from my comfort zone?
We both know my comfort zone includes too many moments of focusing on problems, carving out my own version of weak solutions. And I realize that simple obedience requires much less effort than my incessant wandering and whining.
It was here, on a quiet Sunday night of slightly resentful obedience that what you just did caught me completely by surprise. I used to watch for those signs on a daily basis. Your providence. The way only You can connect dots and people and opportunities to propel me closer to what You had planned in the first place.
You promised to give me the desires of my heart. Those same desires that You created.
I forget that sometimes; that You and I want the same things.
But You see the eternal while I beat my head against the right now.
So for tonight, just know that I trust You completely.
Thanks for trusting me to follow.
Until next time,
Janet
