“Youâre dating himâŚreally?â
Weâve all seen it and a lot of us have been there. Weâre strong. Weâre single. We arenât settling. And then, something happens. We get desperate and start dating or âhanging out withâ with that guy.
I read through an old journal of mine from 2004 (Freshman year of college) and came across bitter ramblings about my relationship status. I wrote, âGod, why?! _________ has a boyfriend. ____________ has a boyfriend. __________ likes so and so. EVERYONE has someone except me. Iâm deathly afraid of being alone â forever â and never being loved.â â Ruthie
Embarrassing, I know. But as a woman, I was dying for a relationship. I just wanted someone to like me. I was a freshman in college and it seemed like only the wrong guys pursued me. But I was told dating the wrong guys, even casually, might exclude the right guys from liking me. End result? I waited for and am now happily married to the right guy. And all the girls listed in my journal arenât married â or even dating.
You may be âoldâ. You may feel its past your time. You may feel like no one will EVER notice you. You may see all the divorce and broken relationships around you and have no hope the right guy even exists.
I cannot promise you that your Jim Halpert (The Office) will show up at your cubicle and sweep you off your feet. But I can almost guarantee that if you start dating or âhanging out withâ the wrong guy to make yourself feel better or just to fill time â you are more likely to miss the right guy. Dating the wrong guy makes you more likely to marry the wrong guy.
I know heâs charming. I know yâall have a song. I know youâve never felt like this with anyone before. I know he promises he will change. You are helping him change? News flash: Marriage doesnât change people. Small issues in dating become huge issues in marriage â because marriage tends to magnify peopleâs selfishness. (IE leaving my phone at home or being unreachable will start to drive someone crazy).
It’s time for a breakup if:
1.) Your friends and family roll their eyes when you mention his name.
2.) You have to constantly make excuses for him. (âHeâs different when itâs just us.â)
3.) He doesnât have any guy friends.
4.) He treats his mother badly. (They say guys treat the mother the way they will eventually treat their wives)
5.) He doesnât have a job and isnât actively looking for one. (Couch potato husband?!)
6.) You are a Christian and he isnât. (The Bible is clear that these marriages wonât work because you will constantly be pulling in two different directions.)
7.) He spends copious amounts of time with you, but is unwilling to commit. (Guys commit when they are into you.)
Itâs time to take a step back and give yourself a pep talk. You are beautiful. Wonderful. Smart. Irresistable. You deserve to marry the right guy.
So wait for him. Being married to the man of your dreams is the best there is â but the thing about soul mates is they arenât on every corner. Your time will come.
Until then â stop dating, hanging out with, getting attention from, flirting with THAT GUY.
Great advice, Ruthie. It’s so hard to hear when you’re into the wrong guy, and he isn’t quite as into you as you’d like. When it’s right, it’s not like that. I finally found my prince charming and I cringe to think what my life would be like if I’d gotten my wish on a previous relationship. I would be miserable right now. Eye rolls from multiple friends and/or family says it all.