Grow Confidently: How to Stop Fear and Comparison

Do your dreams and goals seem overwhelming because of fear and comparison?

Mine sure have. For far too long I made the mistake of allowing the overwhelm to cripple me. I couldn’t grow confidently because I was stuck, not knowing how to stop fear and comparison. Voices of uncertainty, inadequacy, insecurity and doubt crept in and I allowed them to take over my dreams, convincing me I’d never be enough, do enough, or have enough to make any of it happen.

I finally said stop and booted the bullies out of my head!

I wish I could say it happened instantly, but the roots of fear and comparison grew deep in my life. Growing confidently is a process that requires a commitment to capture those thoughts as they arise, tell them to stop, and change perspective. 

But how do we transform our thoughts so we can grow confidently when we are actively in the battle to stop fear and comparison? Here’s some of what I learned along the way. I hope it helps as you do the good work to grow confidently.

To stop fear and comparison, explore how you’re created.

Comparison is the thief of joy. – C.S. Lewis

Oh, how I have compared myself to others! Fear and comparison led to feelings of inadequacy and a lot of self-doubt. It began in my preteen years, when I walked by the magazines and tabloids covered with unhealthy body images. I continued to compare myself to others throughout adulthood. I compared myself to how they filled the roles of wife, mom, friend and more.

That all changed when I learned about spiritual gifts and how we are each uniquely created for purpose.

Even though I grew up in church, I wasn’t encouraged to explore or understand my spiritual gifts until well into adulthood. We are all created with a variety of gifts. When we understand our gifts and combine that knowledge with our personality and abilities, we can embrace our unique reflection of God. Our worth is inherent, an indwelling of the Spirit, and we need to look nowhere else for confidence in who and whose we are.

God designed us in a way that we can carve out new neural pathways. As we become rooted in the knowledge of who and whose we are, we can capture those stinkin’ thinkin’ thoughts about ourselves and change our perspective to combat fear and comparison. Repeating God’s promises and scriptural affirmations of our gifts and worth can truly transform the way we think. 

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

Focus on God’s best to stop fear and comparison.

Our purpose comes into better focus when we embrace our inherent worth and understand how we’ve been created. We can begin to see God’s best for our lives. This is a time when the distractions we face may shift from comparison to the things we might consider to be quite good. The enemy is sneaky, and will use even good things to distract us from the best that God has for us. When we focus on God’s best, we are better equipped to stop fear and comparison.

My personality can get the best of me when it comes to losing focus. I’m naturally an empathic helper. While that may sound wonderful on the surface, it’s a struggle to keep healthy boundaries. I can be doing all the things I think are good, yet spreading myself so thin that I can’t see the next step to God’s best in my life. Sometimes a holy no is better, so we can say yes to God’s best. When the overwhelm kicks in, I know it’s time for me to step back and refocus on God’s best.

Our Creator knows our minds are a battlefield, but we are given what we need to win the battle.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2. 

To stop fear and comparison, let go of expectations and assumptions.

I held onto my dreams and goals with white knuckles, expecting the outcome to look a certain way. Out of fear and comparison I planned with permanent marker rather than loosely with an eraser in hand. I assumed I knew the path to take and what each step should look like. Experience has taught me that in holding onto control so tightly, I’ve often limited myself. I may have embraced my inherent worth, but I hadn’t opened my hands and heart to let go of trying to control the outcome and allow God to lead the way. Not only did I limit myself, but for a time I lost the joy of the journey.

Thankfully God uses our back road experiences to still get us to the destination. Nothing is lost, and the things we perceive as failures are actually opportunities to grow if we capture those thoughts and reframe them through God’s perspective.

And God’s ways are so much better. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways. Isaiah 55:8-9

Embrace opportunity and grow confidently. 

Once I let go of my assumptions and expectations, and allowed God to take the wheel, I found unexpected opportunities to grow. Having embraced the unique way God created me allowed me to enter into those opportunities with less fear and more confidence.

I love to encourage others, in part through my writing, but until several years ago I kept it all to myself. My journal contained the outpouring of my soul through the hardest times of my life. I remember tearfully journaling one day and asking how I could ever be of use to someone else.

Heal and grow.

But, Lord, I don’t know how.

I keep putting opportunities in front of you. Embrace them.

But nobody wants to hear me. Nobody wants to read this stuff.

Stop acting like you know it all, because you don’t!

It took me two years to build up the courage to walk into a small Christian writers’ group. I assumed everyone there would be experienced and published. I expected it to be purely for professional development. Once again, I was intimidated by fear and comparison of my own making.

God really does know best.

What I found was a group of people who desired to encourage and equip others to share the message God has planted in each of us. We write for the One who gives us the words, and the one who needs to hear them. My mindset shifted to understand that God’s best for me is to put out the story of how he led me through the hard things, because the way he did through my unique circumstances could be a lifeline of hope for just one person.

One life changed for the better is what ministry is all about.

Granted, I can be a slow learner. I only knew how difficult it is to break into traditional publishing. I knew nothing of blogging or other types of online writing. For that matter, I was still in the dark ages with a dumb phone.

But God, don’t I need to know all the things about writing first? 

Just start! It doesn’t have to be perfect. Your vulnerability in being real about where you are is part of what makes the story relatable. This is how I will connect with others through you.

So, I began to share the story of God’s healing in my life through blogging. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I kept learning and growing to make it better as I went along. Overcoming the fear of joining that writing group started a ripple effect that opened even more unexpected opportunities to learn and grow.

Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction. – Harry S Truman

Now it’s your turn to stop fear and comparison so you can grow confidently.

What’s the next small step you can take to achieve your goals and dreams? Be honest with yourself about where you are right now and challenge yourself to grow a little.

Notice I said “small.” Society has conditioned us to want it all and want it now. In reality, great things are built step by step, moment by moment. That’s how we stop fear and comparison to grow confidently. Small seeds planted and nurtured well can become the mightiest of trees.

It’s time to write that first paragraph of the next chapter of your life.

What’s one small, manageable step you can take today to make your God-given dreams and goals come true? Make a commitment by posting below. You can do this!