For Those Who Mourn

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 NIV

The Beginning

I met my wife initially at a church Bible study. Her name was Lou – short for Lourdes. She had a crush on my best friend, and I was not interested in her; in fact, I barely knew her. She soon moved to another church, and then five years passed. When I walked inside a local Christian bookstore, I saw her. She recognized me, and we chatted for a time. She asked how my friend was doing. I told her he moved to Colorado. In the midst of the conversation, something stirred.  She told me she sang on the worship team in her church. I also loved music, and I became interested in this woman before me.

The conversation ended and she moved to a table in the rear of the bookstore and began reading a book. Standing between the aisles of volumes, I glanced at her, witnessing true beauty. I kind of like this girl. If I don’t do something now, I’ll probably never see her again. These were my thoughts. What I haven’t told you is that I am normally shy with girls. But I decided to face my fears and talk to her further.

Lou sat reading her book while she prayed silently. Lord, I kind of like this guy. If he’s the one for me, let him ask for my phone number.

I slowly made my way to her and asked if I could sit down. I said, “You know we have many mutual friends from the old church. Could I have your phone number? We could all do something together as a group.” Lou smiled and agreed.

A week passed. One day when home alone Lou prayed, Lord, this man Tom is nice. Could you have him call me? I phoned her an hour later. Later, I came to her home and brought both a Bundt Cake and my guitar. We worshipped the Lord together in her living room. She had tears of joy streaming down her face. That’s when I knew I would one day marry Lou.

It took time before we took our vows. Lou wanted to be sure, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I was the right one for her. But eventually, we married on June 28, 2002.

The Middle

In our young marriage, we experienced many hurdles but we never separated. For the first few years of our relationship, we had strong, loving feelings for each other, but the emotions waned.  It took time for us to learn that true love is not a feeling. Instead, we learned to base love on what we see in the Scriptures, and our feelings often followed. But feelings should never be the basis for a relationship.  Although we tried to have children over the years, Lou was not able to conceive.

Over the years, we learned the meaning of love and faithfulness. Though not a perfect couple, I believe God rejoiced in our union.

In 2022, my wife was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She experienced great pain, and a succesful operation removed the cancer.  In time, small growths were found in her lungs. The doctor said the cancer in her body was highly aggressive.  Lou wanted to try alternative medicine, which consisted of a plant-based diet along with other treatments. We did this for a while until Lou began experiencing pain again.

An oncologist told us that one of her lungs was almost entirely encompassed with cancer. She immediately began chemotherapy and continued for a period of time. Then the doctor brought us good news. The treatment had reduced the large mass in her lungs to a centimeter in diameter.  We rejoiced and were thankful to God and to the many friends who were praying for us.  Amazed, the doctor could not understand how this could have happened. We were able to point him to Jesus.

The Ending

Soon, another trial surfaced. Pain arrested her in her arm and shoulder. The pain was so great that she was not able to continue her chemotherapy. After many tests, the cause was undetermined. The intensity of the pain increased over several months and we eventually went to the hospital emergency room. After a series of tests, we learned that Lou had new tumors in her lungs, spine, and brain.

Two surgeries were performed. Her shoulder pain stopped, but she was not doing well emotionally. This may have been a result of her medication. Eventually, on October 10, 2024, Lou passed away. I was with her as I was with her every day she was in the hospital, which was for several months.

My companion, lover, and friend lay in the arms of Jesus. Happiness filled her soul, while my heart burned with sorrow.

Honest prayers revealed anger towards God mixed with questions. “Why did Lou die when we believed for a miracle?” Although I did not understand what happened, I drew near to God. I knew He loved me, and that He loved my wife. The Holy Spirit is our Comforter, and He comforts us in our grief. The Scripture says, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 NIV.

I also found solace in friendships and in the body of Christ, but it was the Lord who brought me the greatest healing.

If you are experiencing the death of a loved one who knew the Lord, be comforted in understanding they are happy and without pain in the presence of the Lord. If your loved one did not know the Father, perhaps they turned to Him in their final hour. No matter, Jesus heals our hurts, He feels our pain, and He offers us His Holy Spirit as our ever-present balm.

A New Beginning

I have peace in my heart regarding these things. Grief takes time to process, and we all grieve differently.

Learning to praise God in the midst of our sorrow can come to us as a gift from God as we seek Him for it. Praising God is something we choose to do.

to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:2b-3

I invite you to draw near to the Lover of our Souls and to embrace Christian community. I believe you’ll find victory. If your loved one knew the Lord, and if you also do, be confident that you will one day embrace the one you love in heaven. Ultimately, receive the aid of the Holy Spirit. He can be your great Comforter and Friend.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uniformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 NIV.