I’ve written about “the process” before. It’s the process of finding God’s purpose for your life and following that purpose. Well… I want to talk about it again.
I recently stumbled on an old poem/journal entry I wrote during the season of my grandfather’s cancer. It just so happened that I stumbled on it today, the day we had to put our dog, and my grandfather’s best pal, down.
It definitely wasn’t a coincidence.
This entry hit me hard. It broke me. But God used it to put me back together. It gave me the encouragement I needed to keep moving forward through this season of grief and loss. I hope it gives you something too…
In Living Color
They say if you can dream it, you can do it. But isn’t it true that dreaming is so much more beautiful than doing?
No amount of reality grandeur could even come close to the spectacular show inside my mind’s eye. Nothing more beautiful than my rainbow kite.
The colors are brighter.
The story is bolder.
And I am braver.
Saying the things I believe without fear of harsh judgement. Truly dancing like no one is watching. Living with beautiful reckless abandon.
A life where every choice is mine.
Good or bad. Right or wrong. I made it. I own it.
I’m happy with it.
Breathing the air of the city that never sleeps. Creating art so unapologetically me.
Reality strikes.
My decisions are a product of those around me. Every single one dripping with guilt and shame for not trusting my instincts. Or for not trusting theirs.
Breathing the stale air of depression and lack of inspiration.
Would rather watch movies not make them. Read books not write them. See shows not create them.
Reality strikes.
Dreams die.
Away goes my rainbow kite.
It’s kind of hard to see where I found peace in that. But I did.
God has been continually showing me these last several months that even in the midst of depression, anxiety and all of life’s issues, things can be beautiful.
Reality can be beautiful, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Your dreams can be real, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
The ultimate truth… through anything and everything God is right there with you and that’s what makes life beautiful.
Jenni, thank you for giving us this gift of raw vulnerability and expression in your post. These words hit home for me in several kindred spirit-ish kind of ways. So, now that I’m a teary-eyed mess, I think you should know your words matter. Your heart might be full, but hang in there, a new day is coming for You, and your writing. God is using our pain to move other. Your words hit home—but words aren’t always enough to cut through flesh and blood. I believe you need a hug ???? before I tell I truly believe you have an awesome future filled with inspiring stories ahead. Pain, and what we perceive as failure can fuel our adventure—if we let it. I hope you believe it too. BTW, I live (part-time) in the furnace we call the sunshine state too. ????☺️