We hear it from friends or even family members. It is all over social media. “I am deconstructing my faith.” When asked what that means, they don’t always know but say they will not be attending church for a while, if ever again.
So many people find this alarming. I do not.
To deconstruct means to break something down into its constituent parts to examine its hidden meanings, assumptions, or underlying flaws.
Deconstructing isn’t a new thing.
In his book, True Spirituality, which I read in Bible College, Francis Schaeffer wrote about his own spiritual crisis and sought out the Bible’s true teaching about the Christian life. While reviewing why he had become a Christian, he saw sufficient reasons to believe that the infinite personal God does exist and that Christianity is true.
I am currently involved in a women’s book club, and we are reading the book Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Late in life, Brennan was challenged by a friend to reexamine the authenticity of his relationship with Christ and deconstruct what he had been taught about Christ and who that made him. And like Francis Schaeffer, Brennan found God to be who He said He is.
Brennan teaches that the foundation of trust is fully believing God loves us. He states that God demonstrated His love for us by sending His Son to the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, enabling us access to God the Father. By this demonstration, He is trustworthy.
A Firm Foundation Makes all the Difference
Are you familiar with the children’s song The Wise Man and the Foolish Man? I learned it in Sunday School, and we especially loved using hand motions to SQUASH the foolish man’s house. This children’s song is based on Matthew 7:24-27.
“Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
A spiritual house built on the rock (the word of God) can withstand the storms of disappointment, the winds of change, unanswered prayer, or even the death of a loved one. When we believe that God is Love, all knowing yet compassionate, long-suffering and merciful – we will not be shaken.
But not everyone has been taught the truth or seen God represented properly.
Let’s talk about Goats and Sheep.
Sometimes, the person deconstructing their faith is not a true Christian. Perhaps they grew up in a religious household and learned the lingo and behavior of a believer, but never put their faith and trust in Christ’s sacrificial death and resurrection. In their case, wouldn’t it be good to strip away all elements of religion to clearly see the face of Christ?
In biblical times, sheep and goats were frequently grazed together. They resembled each other so closely in appearance, particularly from a distance, that it made them difficult to distinguish. Yet, despite their similar appearance, their shepherds could identify them.
In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus warns believers to leave the separation of the sheep and goats up to him because we might judge incorrectly, resulting in harm to the sheep (especially young believers).
The Wheat and the Tares
Jesus talks about this same inability to distinguish between the wheat and the tares in Matthew 13:24-30, advising us to leave the separation until harvest time and the job to Him.
This is His nice way of telling us we are not God. And since we are not, how can we judge whether someone is or isn’t a child of God? We look on the outside, but only He knows their heart.
Now, before you get ready to argue, I am familiar with the verse in Matthew 7:16-20 that says, “You will know them by their fruit.” But keep in mind, John 7:24, “Judge not according to appearance, but judge (with a) righteous judgment.”
When considering those who are deconstructing their faith, I try to remember I can’t trust myself to judge others with righteous judgment. I do not see their heart or know their history.
Trauma Happens
Have you ever heard someone say of an adult, “That person there is acting like a five-year-old!” When someone is emotionally or physically abused when they are young, I believe it stunts their emotional health. And if one has suffered spiritual abuse or heard a lot of behavior modification sermons that use shame as a motivator, I can understand why they would eventually run from that. It is natural for someone in pain to withdraw and seek a safe place.
God gives us a lifetime to sort things out. He is patient with us. We see others’ lives in timeline chunks, not the whole picture. God sees our lives from beginning to end.
Let’s look at a hypothetical situation.
A young girl attends church with her mother, father, and brother. Her Sunday school teacher is a woman who has condensed the word of God into a rule book. Do this, be blessed, stray outside the lines, be cursed. Everyone needs to shape up, obey always, and never question God. Sounds a bit like the law in the Old Testament, doesn’t it?
Well, like many of us, this little girl finds herself being a good girl on some days and on others, a very bad girl. She rebels against her elders, especially the grandfather, who is sexually abusing her.
At a very young age, she has learned that God judges her on a scale. If her good outweighs her bad, she will go to heaven. Jesus will be pleased with her. If not? Well, you get the picture. This girl never talks to anyone about her inner struggle because shame keeps her quiet.
One day, she grows up, marries, divorces, tries several times more, and finally gives up and lives with a man outside of marriage. For this, she is ostracized. One day, shame drives her to a well in the high heat of the day, and she meets Christ and is met with grace and mercy.
Shame causes suffering on so many levels: Deep depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, chronic illness, and, in severe cases, suicidal ideation.
Consider This
If someone feels a need to deconstruct their faith, they might be a goat, caught up in a religious system instead of a true understanding of God’s grace gift, without a personal relationship with Jesus, or they might feel a need to distance themselves from others in an attempt to heal because of spiritual pain or physical abuse.
Both are normal human responses to tragic circumstances. Deconstructing can be a healthy process if one is guided by an objective, qualified professional and continues to use the word of God as their main resource. It is important to get to the basic truth: Jesus loves me, this I know. Not all men are creeps, and not all Christians are cruel.
Our Response
One of the most powerful things we can do for someone who is deconstructing their faith is to PRAY. When we remember we are not perfect and without sin, we can earnestly and compassionately pray for others.
James 5:16 encourages Christians to confess their sins to one another and pray for each other to bring healing, emphasizing that the earnest prayer of a righteous person holds great power and effectiveness.
Pray for those who have walked away from their church community and your friendship; for wisdom, and protection from the enemy. Ask Jesus to pursue them as the shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to go after the one.
For the one who has been spiritually abused, pray that they get a revelation of how much God loves them. Every opportunity you have, treat them with great love and kindness. Do not preach at them. In most cases, they know the word backwards and forwards. They just need time to heal and to learn how gracious God is. Treat them gently. A therapist told me that spiritual abuse is the hardest type of abuse to recover from. Why? Because the word of God was never meant to be weaponized and used against God’s children. This misrepresents God’s character.
So, Strip Away
If you have suffered at the hands of well-meaning Christians and the word of God has been turned against you, I am sorry. Strip everything away until you are back at the foundation of John 3:16— “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.”
Jesus loves me, this I know.
Like Thomas, sometimes we need to see the nail-scarred hands and thrust our fist into His side in order to believe. Once all else is stripped away, we can slowly build a new and healthier Christian life, one based on God’s grace and mercy and the truth of His word. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you, God.
As Harriet, one of my pastors, likes to say, Jesus is the kindest one I know.
Please let me know how I can pray for you.
For further reading on Francis Schaeffer’s crisis of faith: Francis Schaeffer and Doubt: How his Doubt led to a Stronger Faith
A great read: All is Grace, A Ragamuffin Memoir by Brennan Manning