The day couldn’t have been more beautiful. The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky. It was unseasonably warm for early November. Despite the changing of the seasons, a few persistent leaves still clung to their branches. Such a stark contrast to a little over a month ago when Hurricane Helene wreaked havoc throughout western North Carolina.
Even more beautiful was our daughter as she emerged from the rustic barn, walked into our arms and down the aisle to be given in marriage. Wasn’t it just yesterday she was our little girl with the bouncy blonde curls, kicking around a soccer ball almost as big as she was? Yet there we were, giving her away in marriage.
When we were blessed with children after our struggle with infertility, motherhood became a core part of my identity. As our children grew older and began the normal and healthy process of differentiation, I came to the harsh realization that I’d made motherhood an idol. I wandered and searched for purpose and meaning in addition to that of motherhood. I wrangled with thoughts of this season of life for years before it even fully came to be, knowing I needed to prepare my heart to let go and love our children just as much as ever, but through a different expression.
Emotions
Changing seasons can cause a mix of emotions to well up within us. There may be sadness, grief, fear, anger, anticipation, excitement, hope, joy, or any combination of those and many more. We may carry a combination of emotions that seem to be in opposition to each other, which can bring on additional feelings of confusion and guilt. Understanding that it’s normal to carry these seemingly opposite emotions at the same time can help us release the confusion and guilt.
We can experience grief and joy at the same time. The thought of postponing the wedding came up because of the devastation in our region from the storm. We are grieving, but there is something so beautiful and life-giving about the hope a wedding brings. We needed something wonderful to celebrate in the midst of it all.
Feeling our emotions is normal and healthy. To ignore them would be to ignore how we’re created. What matters most is what we do with them. We can become paralyzed and stuck, or we can use them to spur growth and bring healing.
Growth
Change often causes us to take a pause and reassess. Times of change can be fertile ground for the growth we yearn to have.
When our kids entered their teenage years and began to differentiate, I realized how codependent I had become as a mom. Sadness and grief hung over me. Rightfully so when we enter new seasons in life, but I struggled to find hope in a future where I wasn’t as actively involved in their care.
I am anchored through faith by a deep hope and joy in my soul, but it took some serious digging to find it. I didn’t know if I was up to the task, but I knew I had to try.
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19
To get out of the way of God’s healing, I had to let go of the assumptions and expectations I had placed upon myself as a mom and upon the relationships we have with our children. I had to hold onto the hope I couldn’t always feel, especially when sadness threatened to overwhelm me.
Hope brings light. Often it’s just enough light to show us what to do next. That is more than sufficient because it protects us from the overwhelm. Each consecutive step will be revealed. Then one day we’ll look back and see the healing journey of growth God led us through. One step at a time.
Changing Seasons and Healing
The recovery from the storm in our area will take years. I realize my privilege to sit here and write this today from the comfort of my living room. I’ve only just begun to understand survivor’s guilt. So many have lost their livelihoods, homes, family members and friends. We’ve collectively had some major hits over the past several years, including the pandemic and now two major storms.
And yet we celebrate as our daughter and son-in-love begin this new chapter in their Iife together.
Grief and joy can live together.
As we all continue to heal and rebuild from the storms of life, let us intentionally choose to look for hope and joy amid the sorrow and grief. We can find reasons to celebrate and have moments of normalcy. When we do, our eyes are more open to see God leading us on a healing journey.
How do you keep hope and joy alive when times are hard?
Praying for all, Laura.
Thank you, and amen!
God Bless you Laura
I find that thinking on the Lord’s character and the promises are how I keep “in joy”
Believing they are true for me no matter what I see with my eyes
Blessings on your daughter and son in law
I am glad – even so – you held the wedding !
What our eyes see can be so deceitful. Keeping an intentional focus on God’s character is a steady anchor! Thank you.
Timely for me. Lu moved out on Tuesday and I’m not sure how to feel. I’m excited for him (which brings some guilt). I’m tickled to have a hot shower (which, of course, brings more guilt). These life changes can be hard, but knowing that Our God never changes brings Peace. And, Hope. And, even Joy.
I love you.
I pray you can allow the guilt to pass as you find your new normal. Change often tosses our emotions around like the waves of the ocean, but holding onto the anchor of God can bring about peace, hope and joy. Even when we’re too weary to cling to the anchor, God will still anchor us.
What a wonderful story of hope in all the destruction. This is such a monumental event. I know survivor’s guilt all too well. But I am hoping that I can channel that into helping those who I can reach at the moment.