Avoiding Avoidance

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Cor. 4:18 (NIV).

Have you ever left a project out in plain sight as a reminder to work on it, only to feel so overwhelmed by the prospect of tackling it that your mind ends up blocking it and you avoid the very thing you want to do?

If yes, don’t lose heart, you’re not alone, and there is hope.

Maybe it’s that stack of mail on your kitchen table or a storage box you keep meaning to go through. By now, you eat your meals around the stack of mail or walk around that box every day. You do so without even thinking about it still being there. 

Guilty as charged in both scenarios! Can you relate?

Avoidance

I’ve felt God’s call on my life to be in ministry to moms facing the empty nest for several years. I am sometimes slow to the plate, but I know the small steps I have taken will come together for a greater purpose.

Though I have to admit, I have dragged my feet.

I could blame it on hustle culture, the busyness of life, or general distractibility. For that matter, being diagnosed in midlife with ADHD and learning how it often presents differently in women would be a perfect excuse to hide behind.

Whether it’s a conscious choice or not, I have an avoidance issue. 

I’m at a stage of life where I’m pretty much done with excuses and am ready to open my heart to whatever it is God wants to do with all these things, not in spite of them.

I’m ready to stop avoiding. Will you join me?

Avoidance Is Avoidable

Out of fear and uncertainty, many of us avoid taking steps toward what we are being called to. Fear, guilt, shame, impostor syndrome, and perfectionism can paralyze us.

Our minds are a battlefield. We are created body, mind, and spirit, and each aspect is interwoven with the others. When our minds are a jumbled mess of overthinking, perfectionism, and fear, it’s no wonder we can’t focus on God’s call.

We can learn ways to better embrace how we’ve been created, rather than fight against it. We can release the thought that we should fit neatly into a box constructed by others.

God will use anything and everything possible to get our attention and help us learn to be still and lean into God’s presence and plans for us. God can even use a condition known for difficulty in regulating attention to get our attention.

Just like we shouldn’t try to stuff ourselves neatly into a differently shaped box, we shouldn’t expect  God to fit into a box the shape and size of which our limited minds can only imagine.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10.

Knowing God doesn’t make mistakes, yet also knowing my mind is often chasing squirrels and

overthinking

everything

all at once,

I’ve struggled to enter into that space of being still. As Christians, we may cognitively know when we take the time to enter into stillness that our days will go much better and we’ll be more in line with God’s plans. We won’t struggle as much and can see how to better prioritize our days to align with those plans.

But cognitively knowing that and coaxing our minds to actually do it are two very different things.

Coaches are encouraged not only to coach, but to be coached as well. I’ve been participating in coaching to learn some practical skills to help me work with my ADHD brain. Many of these skills apply to anyone struggling in our busy world. Throughout this process, God has revealed spiritual parallels that I’m able to embrace more fully because I’m learning to work with how God created me, and not against it.

We must learn to trust that God knew what he was doing when we were created and knows what he’s doing as he’s calling us into service and purpose. No matter what labels the world has piled upon us, they are only labels. Labels are a construct. a way for our finite minds to understand what we cannot see or make sense of.

Let us focus instead on that which we cannot see, because God can’t be stuffed in a box.

Avoid Fighting Against God

We are not mistakes. We are God’s masterpiece, and knowing more about how we are created can help us to overcome what’s really behind the avoidance – things like fear, guilt and shame.  

I’ve always wanted to read through the Bible. I’ve read much, if not most of the Bible throughout my life, but I’ve never completely read it from cover to cover. It doesn’t matter if it’s from Genesis to Revelation, a parallel Old Testament and New Testament reading, or a chronological reading. I’ll get started on a reading plan, then life throws a wrench, or sometimes a crowbar, at me.

When I get behind in the reading plan for a day or two (or twenty), the guilt and shame kick in. Why can’t I just do the thing? Why can’t I just sit down and be with God in a planned time of scriptural reading for at least a few days each week?

Because God created me to be in movement more than sitting.

In the past I would give up and go back to a topical reading of the Scriptures. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I personally want to achieve this goal of reading the Bible from cover to cover.

In my all or nothing thinking, I failed to embrace the truth of Zechariah 4:10, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” All or nothing thinking also led me to forget to apply God’s grace to my life, “For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace” Romans 6:14. 

The law in this case was my rigidity in what I thought quiet time with the Lord should look like. And if I couldn’t get it to look like it should, my mind shut down and ignored the very thing I craved to do.

Thankfully, God wants to meet us wherever we are. On the couch, on a prayer walk, or even driving to work. God will use our small steps, however scattered or imperfect, to get us there.

So whether I get to sit with my Bible, journal and mug of coffee, or listen to the reading at 1.75 speed on a prayer walk or during the morning commute, knowing the small things still count is enough to get me over the mountain of avoidance and into the blessings of God’s Word.

Learning to simply be in God’s presence, however that looks for each of us, will help us lean more into God’s calling.

Avoid the Rigidity of Perfectionism

Sometimes we are led to steps we need to take, but our perfectionism overshadows those steps, causing us to get stuck along the way.

Almost two years ago I began a deeper dive into this call of ministry for moms. Along the way, I learned a process of organizing your thoughts using sticky notes. On separate sticky notes, I wrote a word or two for every issue, topic and personal story of experience I could think of that seemed relevant. Then I put them on a wall to visually categorize everything. As a visual and anesthetic learner, this sounded perfect. Finally, here was my answer!

Or so I thought.

I was on vacation when I did this exercise. I had to take my sticky note wall down and put it back up when I got home. The initial excitement wore off when I returned to the daily demands of life. Since then, I am embarrassed to say I’ve walked by it daily, but subconsciously it was too overwhelming to continue. My mind blanked it out like it wasn’t even there.

In plain sight, yet blocked from my mind’s sight.

Avoided. 

Thankfully, our Creator will politely, patiently and persistently keep knocking on that door. God wants to bless us so we can be vessels of blessing for others, but we must first be receptive and willing. We have to open our eyes to what is unseen, even when it’s right in front of us. 

I created that sticky note wall shortly after I discovered I have ADHD. So much of my life suddenly made sense, and in a very good way. I had been on a years-long journey of discovering how God had created me. I’d learned to lean into my unique blend of personality, spiritual gifts and experiences. I explored how they combine to fuel my heart for moms. But it always felt like there was a missing piece. 

I thought it was because I needed more education. As an information gatherer, I love to learn, at least when it’s things I’m interested in. I joined programs to study and learn more about coaching, spiritual formation and being in ministry to women. My passion grew and I finally let go of all the ways I thought it should look.

Or so I thought.

Then came the time to learn the technical side of how to share this ministry. The more I tried to learn, the more frustrated I became at my bumbling efforts. In the midst of my frustration, it was as though my sticky note wall lit up to get my attention.

Okay, yes, it was there all along, but this time my mind wouldn’t let me ignore it. Something was trying desperately to surface. In frustration, I started to beat myself up again over procrastinating on something right there in plain sight. I almost turned and walked away again, when I heard the whisper, “Be still and trust me.”

In that moment I determined to somehow overcome being stuck in procrastination and perfectionism. Little did I know that in trying, I’d find a solution for my often ignored sticky note wall.

So, instead of giving up and walking away, I sat with God in my discomfort, to just be.

I stared at that wall of sticky notes and let God take control.

If I at least had a workable outline, I could get started. I stared at that wall and the words written on the notes, praying for my brain to be able to focus and organize this seemingly insurmountable task.

I had recently taken a course in how to utilize AI effectively. Despite what many of us fear about AI, it is a tool that can be used ethically. It occurred to me to try out what I had learned. I brain dumped a list of all my sticky notes. Then I asked it to develop the list into an outline designed for moms preparing for the empty nest.

In less than half a minute I had a workable outline from what I had been avoiding for two years. 

As I said, God will use anything and everything to get our attention.

My busyness, distractibility, even my neurodiversity could no longer be an excuse to procrastinate. God knew what I needed and provided a way. 

My personality causes me to be a bit flighty. My neurodiversity diagnosis opened my eyes to a better understanding of how I am knit together. These aren’t things to apologize for. In fact, as I look back at my slow, dragging steps, I can see how God works things in perfect timing.

I can also see the progression from always apologizing for who I am, to claiming Whose I am.

What do you need to avoid avoiding and embrace about yourself so you can move forward in the call that God is placing on your life?