“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11 (NIV)
The young bride, shoulders slumped and head down, struggled to muffle her sobs so neither her husband nor neighbors could hear. The two-room apartment with paper thin walls made privacy non-existent. Seeking refuge on the single step outside the back door, she lifted her woes.
Solitude broke with her husband’s worried, “What’s wrong?”
Following a long miserable day, she hiccupped into his shoulder and the floodgates opened. “At home, we never had to work on our birthdays!” Not until then did her poor husband have a clue that maintaining their routine on her birthday equaled insensitivity in his beloved’s mind. How was he to know?
A simple lack of communication resulted in sorrow for her and puzzlement for him. A brief talk turned her tears and his fears into laughter. A few well-chosen words resolved their first major crisis.
God spoke the marriage relationship into being. We face the daily challenge of making it work according to God’s divine plan. Three simple steps carry us well on our way.
1. Discuss concerns before they fester into conflict and misery. Throughout the Bible, we see the need to tackle difficult issues. Jesus, our Prince of Peace, met problems head on. Whether confronting the religious leaders or correcting missteps of His followers, His response was direct and immediate. When Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus, he addressed similar issues. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26 NIV) became a lifelong goal for our young couple.
2. Place the needs of others above individual desires. Although Jesus recognized the importance of occasionally drawing away, He often set aside His personal desires. His compassion eclipsed His comfort. He advocated and demonstrated a life of service. In another favorite verse for our newlyweds, Paul mentioned “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21 NIV).
3. Wrap every word and deed in a cloak of unconditional love. God didn’t wait for us to deserve it before showing love to us. We’re also to love one another, warts and all. At the same time, our emotions may yo-yo based on our current circumstances. We’ll have days when we want to ship our spouse to outer Siberia on the next available flight. On the flip side, sometimes it’s our spouse who will want to pack our bags for a one-way trip. Yet, we don’t act on the emotion of the moment. By remembering our commitment to God and to one another, we choose to speak and act in love. After fifty years together, this couple has learned that “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11 NIV).
This becoming one flesh thing requires a lot of work. Yet, the outcome definitely makes the effort worthwhile.
In all our relationships, may we always address concerns immediately, use our words wisely, and see every circumstance through the lens of God’s love.
I wonder how often my wife wanted to ship me to Siberia – hopefully temporarily?
I expect I deserved it 99.99% of the time. Hope I get an aisle seat on the flight.
I probably deserve it when my husband feels that way, Steve. I love the aisle seat thought! Thank you.