“There’s nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
At least that’s what Linda Grayson said. And while I don’t know much about Linda, as a hardcore chocoholic, I’d agree with this. Unless it is the cheap, bargain basement, dollar store stuff. Is it even right to call that real chocolate? My chocolate of choice – Tony’s Chocolonely, milk caramel sea salt. It’s a bit more expensive, but I like their business ethics. Plus, it tastes good, which is the most important thing with chocolate. But back to the topic of friends though.
The Bible has a lot to say about friends. Depending on how you phrase it, there are between 50 -100 verses that deal with the bonds of friendship, good and bad. For example, Proverbs 13:20. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (NKJV) Who we choose to spend time with is of vital importance, but what do we look for in a friend?
Facebook says I have almost 600 friends but many of them, I don’t even know. So, let’s define just what a friend is. A friend is someone you have an emotional bond with. There is trust, a relationship that goes beyond the surface. An acquaintance though, is someone you know more on a superficial level. Maybe from work, a neighbor, gym buddy, or even church.
Then there are “best” friends.
Best friends are the people who make your problems a little less scary and your victories a little sweeter. (unknown) These are friends you trust with your deepest secrets. The ones you call when you don’t know who to call.
I have two of these kinds of friends. The first, I’ve known for 40 years. We met at church and when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, she got the keys to our house and took care of our other three kids. We knew they would be safe and well taken care of. She was with us through the thick and thin, even when we signed the DNR at the hospital for our daughter.
Since then we’re no longer neighbors and we’ve gone years without speaking, (Yes, we’ve texted and done the email thing.) but when we get together, it’s like we’ve never been apart. We pick up where we left off always knowing that we are there for each other.
My next best friend is a writer I met in a chatroom 25 years ago. We finally got to actually meet years later at a writer’s conference. She lived in a different state and life happened so we fell out of touch, but we never stopped being friends. When she moved closer, we spent hours together just talking about life. She moved a while back and we are back to the occasional emails but again, I know she is there and our friendship is solid. Distance doesn’t matter.
These two friends remind me of Eccl. 4:9,10. “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”
A friend also holds you accountable.
While Jim Morrison said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself…” I much more prefer Andy Andrews’ thought that “A true friend is someone who holds you to a higher standard. A true friend brings out the best in you.” If you don’t know Andy Andrews, you are missing out. His book The Traveler’s Gift should be required reading. A good friend suggested it years ago and I highly recommend it. If you aren’t into reading, you can check out this video. It’s not as long as it says, so give it a watch. You won’t regret it.
Holding a friend to a higher standard is biblical. Pro. 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”
Here’s the thing.
For us introverts, finding and making friends is hard. Pro. 18:24 tells us “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” Okay, friendly, but what does that look like?
A friend intentionally makes time for the other person in their day-to-day life. Like any relationship, it takes work. We have to be mindful and intentional. I’m building a new friendship now. One thing I do is to send random texts about normal everyday stuff. It only takes a moment, but it is investing in each other.
Friends confide in each other, share our inner, real self, and support each other during the good times and bad. This is the hardest for me. While in the military, we moved a lot and being a pastor’s wife just isn’t conducive to building ‘best’ friend type relationships. I once had an older, wiser woman point out how I kept people at a distance and didn’t let them get to know me. I’m really trying to do better but it’s hard when you’ve seen how quickly “friends” turn to enemies.
A friend is who you call when you don’t know who to call. Someone who won’t consider that call to be an inconvenience and has your back. Solomon tells us in Proverbs 17:17, that “A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity.” I recently saw these types of friends being called “ride or die.” I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Look at what happened to Thelma and Louise.
That said, we do have a great example of friendship between David and Jonathan, the son of King Saul. Saul wanted to kill David but Jonathan helped his friend escape in 1 Samuel 20.
Friends can also give bad advice.
Take a look at Haman’s friends in the book of Esther. They convinced him to build a gallows in his yard. Solomon tells us those with wild friends bring shame to their parents. (Pro. 28:7)
Becoming friends starts with a few things. First, don’t wait for the other person to make the first move. A quick “thinking of you text” is a great way to begin. Invite them to a local coffee shop and just spend time together.
Listen when they talk. Really listen. Not poke on your phone waiting until time for you to speak. Be genuinely interested in them. You don’t have to fix their mess, many times they just need someone to listen to them.
Make them a priority in your life. If you promise something, follow through. Be reliable.
Celebrate their wins and mourn their losses with them. Again, this is a genuine thing.
The best example of friendship and it’s cost is in John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends,” Ant that is what Jesus did for us. He didn’t wait for us to reach out to Him. He made a way for us.
It’s important not to take your friends for granted. Friends are a gift from God, a true blessing. Let them know you value spending time with them.
Well, I’m off to text a couple long distance friends. We can’t sit on the patio at my favorite coffee shop but I’ll definitely have some chocolate in their honor.
Oh…speaking of friends, have you seen the new Roost app? It’s a pen pal app where you send messages by bird at the speed that it would take for the bird to actually travel the distance. Right now, I have a goose taking a message to Latvia. It should be there in a little over four days. I’m having way too much fun with it. If you’d like to join the fun, you can find me as speck. Use my referral code 4V6KCK for a special bird.